etude of a menagerie on the milky way

Wanna know something? There's people my age who are (or close to) pursuing careers because of how inspired they were by someone who's a legend concerning the career they're (about to) pursue. And then there's me. An eclectic, eccentric enjoy-er of everything, and not a single speck of inspiration has sparked. What am I missing here? Is it because of who I am? Why haven't I been inspired by some legend to pursue something? All people who are good at the thing they're good at always have some special reason why. And then there's me, who's one and only reason why is: because I felt like it. That is all. No inspiration. No long life story. I felt like it. None else. Like, where the hell is the passion? Does my mind know what the word “passion” means? Will I ever figure out what I'm passionate about and actually get good at something for once? Anyways, I keep noticing something. I keep seeing the main characters from my and his favorite games together in fan art a lot and I low-key feel like it's a sign. It's 5 am. I need to sleep. Keep on dreaming. 5-1-19 🌟

the thing is starting in 6 and a half hours from now and the following has already happened: Him and a friend spending time in the ocean. (shirtless!!!!) Him trying to lick said friend's hair for whatever reason on an Instagram story. The entire group taking a picture based off of an illustration of a family about to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner. Good god. Now, we don’t have time to unpack all of that, as John Mulaney would say. What’s more crazy?: The time I have to wake up for it, or the previous things mentioned? (OORRR: That this is the first time I’ve ever seen him shirtless? Hold on, lemme see that again... woah...) I don’t think I’ll be awake for the entire thing. But, I sure hope I am. Keep on Dreaming. 5-2-19 🌟(am I the only one freaking out about this like the weirdo I am? In other words, there’s little time until any possible new memes are created... Oh! Oh, right, I had a dream last night and all I remember was a serial killer holding a chainsaw chasing me. He injured me and a crap ton of blood was on my face. I saw the injuries and thought “Oh, that’s actually not that bad.” Weird dream, I know. The fact that I saw him shirtless is gonna be on my mind constantly during the Colosseum, I know it.)

Hello, it is me, with a million dollar question: was the surprising lack of excitement for the Colosseum I had come from:

A.) My autism

B.) mood swings via puberty

Or...

C.) a sign of depression? (yeah, I know, someone my age having depression, how surprising, wooow...)

I dunno, man. I just feel really convoluted and confused. Would this happen if I was actually there? Ughhh, I seriously need mental help right now, that’d be nice. I’d pinpoint anything interesting, but I slept in the middle of the stream. I may or may not sit this one out. I dunno. I might just catch up on the Breath of the Wild stream instead. I just don’t know. I do remember someone saying how surreal it was to get a notification of him retweeting something right after he did in the stream. Ughhhh... I might have to enjoy this vaguely in the sidelines like I do to everything else. Keep on dreaming. 5-3-19 🌟 (it's much later, but I just saw a video of someone playing Osu! at a school talent show. I can only wish to have that amount of coolness and Squid Beatz prowess. Then I could absolutely wow the audience like they did. After that, I would probably die of stage fright or visibility. I'd like to stay invisible, please. Just a thought. I just want to be blessed with a dream featuring my future soulmate. A dream full of romance that's going to be in my mind for a long time. I just want to be happy again and out of this weird negative funk. Please.)

I just saw a skit that played during the Colosseum that was posted on Instagram. The thumbnail was of a couch, and I saw “sitcom” in the description. My initial thought was, “Did they actually do a parody of the Friends opening?” My favorite part was what looked like some (satanic?) ritual and it was great. Anyways, I literally slept for practically the entire day and catched up (finally) on the Breath of the Wild stream. I was contemplating on whether or not I should watch the Colosseum, but I ended up not watching it. But, I’m planning on catching up on it when it’s uploaded on YouTube, eventually. Anyways, there’s something new in it, which is skits/sketches in-between segments, which is cool. (sketches?? Gee, I wonder what show that reminds me of...) I sure hope they’re uploaded as well. It’s practically 4 in the morning, I gotta sleep. Keep on Dreaming. 5-4-19 🌟(May the 4th be with you!!)

Y’know, I think 5 is my lucky number. Today’s date was 5/5, so it could be. We went to Costco today, and my brother got a thing of Pokémon cards. One pack for him, one pack for me. In that whole thing. We went back home, and then Lady Luck smiled down upon me. I got not one, but two super rare cards. A shiny Mewtwo one that’s all textured and all of that nice stuff. And a Pikachu one that’s apparently very valuable. Anyways, the skit that I thought was a Friends parody was uploaded today. I then proceeded to sync it up to several songs, my favorites being Nine in the Afternoon and Mr. Blue Sky. (hmmm, maybe I should sync it up to the Friends theme song as well.) One day, you’re down in the dumps. Then another day comes, and it’s like it never happened. Always look on the bright side of life. Well, shoot. I just got side-tracked. I was gonna wait until that one person from Instagram posted things that had to do with the Colosseum, but it’s either that it hasn’t ended yet or they just didn’t post things associated it for today for whatever reason. Hmm. Keep on dreaming. 5-5-19 🌟(I just can’t wait until tomorrow and just feast while binge-watching... something. Could be Monty Python’s Flying Circus. Whatever I feel like when the time comes.)

You know, I wanna be something. It seems that everyone is represented in some way in popular media except me. I want to... crap I lost it. Anyways. I am really glad that someone like him exists. Negativity and arguments are everywhere in internet places like YouTube, and then there’s people like him. No negativity. No flame wars. Just sitting down and playing some video games while discussing them. All in a safe, comfortable, and positive manner that’s like a haven of sorts. Now I low-key wish that I watched more of the Colosseum live. *siiigh* Anyways, I sure hope Pikmin continues to update tomorrow. It probably won’t since it’s right after the Colosseum. I can’t wait to hear what off-topic thing they’ll talk about. I actually enjoy when they do that despite how negative that sentence sounds. I think those kind of collabs are my favorites because they’re so chill. Maybe the reason why I stopped watching the Colosseum was because there were so much going on. The people playing the game. The game itself. The person reading the donations. The donations popping up. The chat. The jingles that play with the donations. The donation incentives. The money donating total. The money that’s being donated. The people who donate. The messages that are sent with the donations. That’s a little bit too much for little me. I should watch Rilakkuma and Kaoru now. I need to relax after all that negativity. Keep on dreaming. 5-6-19🌟(P.S. I just remembered of a mother who donated during the Colosseum who had a son who watched his videos, and how happy she was knowing that both her son and him were autistic. I wish my mom was like that. Or at least open to the fact that I’m autistic as well. One day. One day. But I do know that my eyes are filling up to the brim with tears. Then, a lot of people started to say that they were also on the spectrum in the chat. They all seemed so happy. Please, let me be accepted with open arms for who I am. I bet he would do that. If only he knew that I existed. Under that childlike demeanor is an insecure, broken man. Hmm, that sentence sounds like a writing prompt. That is all I want in life. Someone who understands. Slightly off-topic, but I just saw someone posting about a sunrise, and that means that I really need to sleep, despite time zones.)

Earlier today, he posted something that started with, “I hope you didn’t think that the thing was over!” and I was like, “well, uh... about that...” (ugghhh, I can’t think because I have the song from Haruhi stuck in my head...) Anyways, the signals if I would be in a good relationship is kinda mixed. Some say “go for it, man” and others say “Mmmm, nah.” Like, what? I just found out that E3 and the nearby In-n-Out groundbreaking are in the same week, which is insane. These next two months feel kinda insane as well. You’ve got a crap ton of movies and video games and a lot of other stuff. I can’t think of anything else. Keep on dreaming. 5-8-19🌟

Y’know, I wonder what my mom would think of the things I watch, the music I listen to, and the games I play. Would I like to? No. But, I do wonder how familiar she is with EarthBound. It’s one of his favorite games, and I’m just a twinge curious. (twinge? What the hell?) Like, what would she think of Monty Python? What would she think of Bill Wurtz? What would she think of Splatoon? Anyways, my brother is getting another Pokémon card 2 pack tomorrow. I’m hoping for a Togepi and an Alolan Exeggutor. Y’know what I’m also hoping for? Something legitimately good to happen. Tomorrow, please. Thank you. Keep on dreaming. 5-9-19🌟

I don’t know what luck is anymore. I just got 3 GX cards, one Break card, and a double of the rare Exeggutor card I got 3 years ago one day. 2 questions: How does this happen? Can this continue, please? My heart beat rapidly when I saw that Break card. Anyways, I saw this behind the scenes video for last weekend’s Colosseum, and I don’t remember anything except for him staring into his good friends soul, what a Waffle House looks like, and the Atlantic ocean. Speaking of him, I think I have his luck, or at least a smidge of it. That insane, godly, luck. Right, and I also got a Detective Pikachu themed set, and I got two cards of said Detective Pikachu. Nice. Hopefully we can get that last 2-pack soon. Keep on dreaming. 5-10-19 🌟

So. I just had something to rant about now, but my mind just Thanos’d it. God dammit. Right. I wonder if my mom is going to try to get me enrolled at some school this summer. What kinda school? God knows. I can’t handle going to school anymore, if that wasn’t made clear already. I wish that this June is memorable like the last two Junes. Speaking of school, elementary and middle school was the best during this time of year. All of the classrooms were so bright and airy as we took those state tests, slowly but surely waiting and anticipating the end of the school year, one of the greatest days and feelings that a school-kid can know. Only a short bike/car/bus ride or walk home until pure freedom and happiness. But, what kind of school would she put me in? Another public school? The online school I previously was in? Some other school that I can’t think of? Also, I wonder if she’ll find me a psychologist or, uh... (what’s it called? Oh, right.) therapist to visit, and perhaps she’ll finally realize that I’m autistic. (did that rhyme?) Anyways, now we’re going to talk about 5th grade. And maybe 6th grade. 5th grade was downright what a perfect school year is supposed to be. The field trips, the familiarity, the lack of movement, the utter bliss of May/June recess after lunch. (except for my grades. Shhh, we don’t talk about that...) One of the things about 5th grade I wanna talk about is this bossy-as-hell girl I knew in only 5th and 6th grade that hated me most of all for some reason. Why? Was it because I’m hispanic? Maybe she was an ableist piece of crap who knew that I was autistic before I did? Another thing I wanna mention about 5th grade was that in May/June, we practiced a really cringy dance routine to Uptown Funk. I’m just glad that we didn’t dance to the Kidz Bop version. Speaking of which, we all dressed in black for the actual performance, and when we went to the gym during that one assembly in June, someone was playing Pomp and Circumstance on the piano, and it all seemed like we were attending a funeral. A funeral for what, I wonder? The not-so-chaotic school years, that aren’t as pressuring and hellish as the 7 next school years? Anyways, practicing the dance itself was fun as hell. Also, after that one assembly in June, we had some sort of ceremonial thing, then went on a field trip (cool, it’s 4:20 in the morning) to a roller rink. Which seems cool until you realize that you’re god awful at roller-skating. So, after 10 minutes of fumbling around in roller skates, I took off said skates and sat somewhere, crying. And, as per usual, a million girls crowded around me like a mob of lions eating a dead animal, and asked me what was wrong. Of course, me, being nonverbal, said nothing. But, luckily, the field trip was almost over anyway. When we got back, we had some wonderful Costco pizza (the most common pizza I’ll eat, I don’t like pizza from chain restaurants, only regional ones.) and I almost started crying again when I saw kids playing with balloons. And that was that entire school day. (oh, and we also did some marimba songs before the dance routine which was why music class will always be my favorite elementary class) Anyways, the last 5th grade thing I wanna talk about is Ginger. Ginger was a cute little hamster we had as a class pet. She sometimes rolled around in a ball that you usually see hamsters rolling around in. That’s all I remember about 5th grade. Okay, now it’s time for 6th grade. 6th grade was the last time I remember having slightly legitimate friends at school. I was in a small group of mostly Vietnamese boys and a couple of girls, but I slowly disappeared from said group. There was this class I had for 4th quarter and everyone in that class had to do a news presentation or something. I have to find mine, it should still exist. I found it, and the most noteworthy thing was that it was supposed to be shown on 4/20, man. But, it didn’t for whatever reason. It’s kinda lucky that it didn’t because I can only imagine the humility I would feel of everyone in whatever class I was in staring at me because I made it. One last thing I wanna mention from that class is that the potentially ableist girl from 5th grade was in that same class, and one day she just got super angry for some reason, she said that someone was trying to rip off her arm. She yelled that out and the whole class got silent as she stormed out the room. I almost thought she would pull the fire alarm, but I never saw her ever again. But, when I was in 8th grade (barely) I heard someone say that in 6th grade, she threw a chair at the LA substitute, who was the dean of students that nobody liked. Enough about her, let’s talk about two more major 6th grade things, and one that’s a bit less major. Major 6th Grade thing 1: the music concert. The music concert was a thing that was stupidly required in a music class I had near the end of the school year. I don’t really remember most of it, but I do remember that the choir kids had a concert as well, and there were two choir classes. One did an amazingly terrible rendition of Grease, and another did a couple of songs from Annie, in which I remember crying when they starting singing Tomorrow. Anyways, Major 6th grade thing 2: OUTDOOR CAMP. I hated outdoor camp. I cried for a good period of it and it was downright awful. (AND REQUIREEEED!!!) On to the slightly less major 6th grade thing. An inconvenience on the last day of school. Some kid was annoying the ever-living daylight out of me for some reason. I don’t really know why I brought that up, but it seemed fitting. It’s probably not the greatest idea spending at least an hour typing up four-and-a-half pages about school life, but who cares? (it’s 5 in the morning. Send help.) Keep on dreaming. 5-11-19🌟 (1084 words in one entry? How? Anyways, stay tuned for part 2, where I talk about 7th grade and probably 8th grade. See ya!)

Today is Mother’s day. Or, for someone who’s mom hates her and sometimes doesn’t (unexpectedly) for some unknown reason, a regular sunday. Today, he did something completely surprising and did one of those “My mom guesses the name of every Smash Bros. character!” videos with his actual mom. Just imagine if he did something like that with his dad... Anyways, his mom. She actually seemed kinda nice. Would probably freak out when she realizes that I have a major crush on her only son, but pretty nice. God, I wish my relationship between my mom and I was like his. It just seems so happy and wholesome compared to mine. (also, I kinda wish that there was a cute photo of him and his mother.) Speaking of him, every Colosseum skit is going to be uploaded on Tuesday. Nice. It made me have flashbacks when it was announced that the tag for the stream was trending on Twitter. I mean, trending? Them? As far as I know, the only YouTubers with video game-related content that got on trending were sexist dude-bro creeps! I’m glad that I’m in this tiny community instead of THAT other part. Ughhh... Anyways, my mom realized that I was almost 16, and how I could start a job once I was 16. No, thank you. I have heard stories of working in retail and fast food, and how terrible it is. If I had a job to work at, it’d be at home, or at a Disney park. (although, I think I have to be a little bit older to work there, and I get sensory overloads when it comes to parades and fireworks. I could just get a job farther away, but still... ) Despite all of that, working at a job just sounds scary when I think about it... Welp, time to convince my mom to let me start a let’s-playing career! (Ooh, and maybe I could actually meet him for once!) But, for now, I’m just gonna sit in bed all day. (oh, god... I’m gonna suck at life... how am I going to make a living for myself if I can’t get out of the house and talk to people because that scares the ever-living daylight out of me??? I’m gonna die homeless on the streets or something... please send help. But, can a musician make a living by being in a band?) Keep on dreaming. 5-12-19🌟

So, the Colosseum skits were uploaded and they were pretty legit. They had the absurd humor and the “hey, y’know what’d be funny?” of Monty Python sketches and the awkwardness and budget of school-made skits and vines. Which is all what I was reminded of. Monty Python, Vines, and crappy school-made skits. I kept thinking of them re-enacting the sketch I saw while watching Monty Python last night where this one guy was reading a book and kept having difficulty with pronunciation, so this other guy came in and continued reading until he had the same difficulty. So, then another guy came in, did the same thing, rinse and repeat. It was hilarious and I low-key wish they did that. Speaking of the Colosseum skits, there was one that took place during a pool game between two people and one hit those balls that were on that pool table, and the balls screamed??? (this is gonna sound wonderful out of context) Then, the other one did the same, the balls screamed again, the two fearfully stared at each other, and then he came out from below the pool table??? It’s so absurd that A.) I wish I was part of the audience watching that live, and B.) I need to watch it again to remember what happened, hold on... Right, so I just did that, and he just said that the balls are alive, just saying, and that was it. I just also wanna mention how glad I was knowing that I wasn’t the only one who saw him shirtless. Thank you, comment section. That was an unexpected treat for the eyes. I also wanna mention that whenever I see that Mother’s Day video of his, I never think that it’s his video, since those are done by everyone else. Anyways, I really wanna watch that Monty Python sketch again. I’ll go do that. (it’s always a nice day to have She Loves You stuck in your head.) Keep on Dreaming. 5-14-19 🌟 (Mario Maker direct tomorrow!! Woo-hoo! Oh, and also, I got a new tv today and immediately played Splatoon on it.)

So! Today I finally got to watching a Beatles documentary that was on when I was watching his video of the day, two months ago. Luckily, my mom recorded the whole thing. (reminds me how I keep seeing Sgt. Pepper at Target.) When I finished watching the Beatles documentary, I proceeded to watch a couple of Off the Hook and Squid Sisters concerts. Which reminds me. I know it’s waay too early, but what if Splatoon 3 came out? (crap, didn’t they say that they’re only focusing on 2019 releases??) Anyways, y’know what I should do soon? Draw cute, friend-shaped Pokémon. That’s what I’ll do. Speaking of Pokémon, apparently my mom and my brother are going to the mall on Saturday, and my brother is set on getting some Pokémon cards. Hopefully he’ll get me some cards, too. Or something, at least. Aaaanyways, I’m surprised that I went so long without talking about him. Not ♡♡Him☆☆, but him. His name is BDG and I absolutely love him. (him, as in the word, looks weird...) His hair is the stuff of dreams and he’s exactly like Milo Thatch from Atlantis: The Lost Empire except that he talks about video games instead of his discoveries and research of Atlantis. Might I mention that he’s now the main reason why I paint my nails, and also the reason why I got a new bottle of nail polish recently? And he has the same zodiac sign as me!!! And, based off the date he posted that he said that, the same birthday!!!! A-anyways, I got waaay too sidetracked. Oh, and something I learned from today’s direct is that they’re finally adding snow courses as a course option, which makes me really happy. Considering the fact that they managed to get Koji Kondo back to make some newer themes for the original Mario Bros. levels. I can’t wait to hear the original Mario Bros. and 3D World versions of the snow level music while in edit mode!!! (4:20 AM again??) Keep on dreaming. 5-15-19 🌟 (right, and I gotta mention that, when that absurd Colosseum skit was live, it had a different ending. As far as I know, instead of him saying that the balls are alive, just saying, they just stared at each other with total fear. Or did they do that after he said that? Hmmm.)

You wouldn’t believe this crazy discovery I made while staying up until an absurd hour in the morning. This discovery wouldn’t let me rest. It’s that the Hiker theme (Encounter! Backpacker from Pokémon Black and White) fits like a glove (do hikers wear gloves?) with that one part from the Party Rock Anthem music video. You also wouldn’t believe the sound I made when I figured that discovery out. Anyways, how are these next three months going to fold out? Is there going to be any planning of me going back to school or to a counselor/therapist/psychologist person? (I’d prefer the latter) What the hell are they gonna announce during E3? Are we going back to Seattle for once? I know it probably won’t happen, but imagine going there while PAX Prime is going on! And... catching a glance of him!!! God, I’m just so curious about said 3 months!!! (i should talk about summer 2016 soon...) Keep on dreaming. 5-16-19 🌟 (tomorrow’s heart-shaped box day! hooray!!)

You know what I realized? Everyone has a pet cat. Except me. Everyone is going to conventions. Except me. Everyone is going touring. Except me! Why is that? What am I missing? Everyone has that band of friends, except me!! Anyways, I kept having a thought today: am I going to see a counselor/therapist/psychologist person anytime soon? It’s just a thought. Like how I wondered if he is going to announce his new Let’s Play today. He didn’t, but it has been 4 days shy of a month since he finished his previous one, and he could update on that date. 4? I meant 6! Jeez. Tomorrow morning is the (technically) start of the Yard Sale season, and I should go to sleep soon. Like, really soon. Keep on dreaming. 5-17-19🌟(y'know, it feels like these days, one can't go a single sentence without spreading controversy... why is that?)

Y’know, I wonder where I would end up living at in 5-10 years from now. Where I love, the southern California coast? The suburbs of Japan like I’ve seen in manga and anime? A woodsy English neighborhood like the ones I’ve seen in the documentary I watched yesterday? Or just the same area I’ve already been living in for the last decade already? But, would I have roommates? Would I live alone? Who knows. Anyways, I had to wake up much earlier than usual, because yard sale season. Which became totally fruitless. Excluding the humidifier. Then we do the usual Sunday stuff. On a Saturday. I don’t remember any of it since I was half asleep, but I do remember seeing someone who kinda looked like his good friend. After that, we went to the mall and got candles and a semi-guilt trip. Whoops. But I did see a lot of things related to things I like. I got a couple of things including a cute little cat plushie. ...I need to finish watching something before I forget. Keep on dreaming. 5-18-19 🌟 (been on a British pop culture kick lately... there's something about the mix of proper formality and eccentricity that's so appealing... oh, and also... I start catching up with the colosseum tomorrow, which should be fun. can't wait to see anything cool I missed.)

I woke up today with one question in mind: What if I woke up with my hair looking completely different? Not like a wig, but, like, anime hair. Like, long pink curly hair with part of it up with bows, I dunno. It sprouted from a dream I had, and the only thing I remember was me trying out different wigs. Like, plush wigs instead of what wigs are actually made of. That makes me wonder, would I feel that different if I were to dye my hair or start to wear wigs? Anyways. Today I started catching up with the Colosseum streams, which I had to watch in pieces because the same issues came up. (y’know, the people playing the game. The game itself. The person reading the donations. The donations popping up. The jingles that play with the donations. The donation incentives. The money donating total. The money that’s being donated. The people who donate. The messages that are sent with the donations. It’s too much.) But, I do have one question: Why the hell are we caring about a lamp??? Like, it feels out of place and unnecessary. I wonder if I’m not the only one who was thinking the same. And, it’s been a thing since last year? Why are we giving a crap about some lamp??? Anyways, we went to Target today and I got some Pokémon cards and new bed sheets. I also saw the holy trinity of Beatles albums!!! (which were Sgt. Pepper, Abbey Road, and Revolver) During today’s segment, they said that they were going to do something cool during tomorrow’s segment. Wonder what it’s gonna be. Keep on dreaming. 5-19-19🌟

Today’s segment was a concert that was a little unorthodox. It was based on the theme of: “this song but it’s like this” I had to watch this in pieces because ugggghhhh. I would like this a little more if I wasn’t bothered by every little thing, probably. Anyway, I had this weird semi-nightmare about a girl who was involved in a freak crash and then was isolated near where it happened for 5 years. I think I had this dream before. Like the crazy sense of déjà vu I had earlier. Anyways, please let something interesting happen soon, hopefully tomorrow. Keep on dreaming. 5-20-19🌟

So, suddenly I feel sick. Like, mildly nauseous. Why is that? I have, like, sudden motion sickness and I haven’t been in a car since last Sunday. Hahaha. Send help. I’ve also been having random headaches and stomachaches recently. Please send help. I keep having peppermints but that nausea is trucking on through. The best reason that I’ve been having these was because I’m suddenly forgetting to eat for some reason, but other than that, I’m not quite sure. (now, I’ll attempt to type out the rest of this without nausea plaguing my mind) Last night, I had this dream that I guess took place on Christmas Eve, but when I checked the date, it was September 5th?? I dunno. Anyways, today’s segment was a legitimate concert featuring the drummer. It was pretty damn cool and had a nice mix of both meme songs and video game music. (I can’t get the intermission song from Monty Python out of my head...) Hhhhh, that nausea is really distracting, so I think I’m just gonna try to sleep it off. It is almost 3 am after all. Keep on dreaming. 5-21-19🌟

So, I had a little decision to make: Should I re-watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail, draw something, or just call it a day and start writing one of these? I think it’s pretty clear on what I decided on. Anyways, we got a new couch today at last, and I just see it as new potential and new ways to make a pillow/blanket fort. Today’s segment was a traditional concert that felt a bit short, and had nothing really special about it, just a big lack of Splatoon. Like, come on, guys! I know that this was several weeks ago, but still! Honestly, what I would do, (if I mustered up the energy to continue watching) is spam “splatoon music or riot” in the chat. Hopefully others would join. Anyway, I was scrolling along in Tumblr earlier today when I noticed that someone who was at Disney World said that the Liberty Bell March (the theme to Monty Python’s Flying Circus) played in Liberty Square, its equivalent to Disneyland’s New Orleans Square. I gotta look up the area loop for that place, and fact check that. I couldn’t find the piece in an actual area loop, but I did see comments saying that there were Sousa (the guy who originally composed this piece) marches playing at some point. Which is enough evidence, I guess? Anyways, I remember watching clips of BDG live at one of the same conventions where Thrown Controllers is held (once again, why is everyone and their extended family going to conventions except me?) and it was like one of the Unraveled videos, except live!!! Like, other people were there!! Why are things like these so impossible to go to? (I’d like to experience what it feels like to accomplish a dream, for once in my life, 🅱️LEASE.) Keep on dreaming. 5-22-19 🌟 (my brother says that he’s getting Pokémon cards on Saturday, and that we’re seeing Detective Pikachu on Sunday, but I kinda doubt that, buuut whatevs. Oh, and Into the Spider-Verse is gonna be on Netflix late next month, which is great because I hear it's really good and John Mulaney is in it. I was also going to go on a tangent about how I don't have anyone I look up to that's female, then I remembered that Marina from Splatoon 2 exists. Hmmm, I wonder if I would be able to go to a convention like how my brother gets big things of pokémon cards... imagine...)

So. I think I have come up with a conclusion on why I can’t watch a Colosseum segment in one sitting: Me + a large group of people = grumpiness. This is evident in the fact that I spent more time writing than watching and how I generally felt more pleased while watching the Pikmin Collab vs the longer segments. It just felt amazing having to focus on less people and lesser things, not like during the colosseum where I had to focus on numerous things, including a stupid lamp. Like, the colosseum seems nice as a concept, but the whole thing just worsens my mood. It’s like being cranky but in this case, it’s just so much people, so much going on. At the same tiiiiime... I wonder if this’ll be the case during Thrown Controllers. Hmmm... Also, there’s this cheesy-like energy I keep getting, I’m not sure if it’s actually cheesy, or where it’s from, (the stupid lamp, *cough cough*) but I hate when non-food related things are cheesy. Anyways, I heard that Monty Python related things are available at the England pavilion at Epcot, over at Disney World. Which is yet another reason why I wanna go there. Speaking of which, I just keep having dreams of Disney World constantly, like every other week. I haven’t even been there! I haven’t even watched any videos filmed over there in a month! Like, why the hell am I having dreams of somewhere I haven’t been to? Am I going to meet my soulmate there or something? (which would be pretty damn cool, to be honest.) Keep on dreaming. 5-23-19 🌟 (y’know, I’ve decided to not watch today’s segment because of the reasons I just mentioned, but it does remind me that it’s been the five weeks since his previous let’s play, and it’s now time to be wary on if he announces the next one. It’s gonna be a breath of fresh air and so soothing to only be focusing on one person and one game. Hmm, I wonder if I’ll be able to watch next year’s colosseum. The colosseum and his solo let’s plays are like paying attention to an out-of-tune orchestra playing nonsense and nobody’s playing the same thing to paying attention to a solo guitar or piano or what have you playing a lullaby. Anyways, the idea that two people can innovate and add new things to the table is entrancing, like that safe, comforting aura he has... Anyways, I wonder when the next Yet Another High School Thing™ is gonna appear, and what it’s going to refer to... Just a thought. Hmmm, maybe I should write an argumentative essay on how the lamp is a completely unnecessary addition to the colosseum, but that's pretty damn trivial.)

So, I may have noticed way too late that it’s 4 in the morning. Whoops. Anyways, I just realized that older talk show interviews are so relaxing compared to modern ones. Like, during the older ones, you only focus on the interviewer and the interviewee(s). That’s it. No audience laughing. No band. That’s it. (it’s 4:20, man) Speaking of Day Tripper, man, how it reminds me of lunch during the brief 3(?) months of 9th grade. Just upon listening to that song, the images of the cafeteria and the outside area pop up in my mind. Anyways, I totally just spent today writing the beginning half of Amethyst’s outline instead of watching today’s segment, which was more Mario Party. Speaking of him, I just remembered how comfortable I was with both him and I being Autistic. His announcement of the diagnosis not being a mistake was something I was comfortable with. Because, at around the same time, the idea of me being autistic popped up for the first time. But, when I finally messed around with that idea at the beginning of this year, I felt comfortable knowing that, hey. Maybe I’m autistic after all. He just became a guiding hand in the whole Autistic experience. Like, my comfort level with him increased four fold. Anyways, holy crap, those three 9th grade months. I remember small, miscellaneous things about those months. How one of the chaotic, 90-kid class teachers played Fanfare for the Common Man when talking about presenting things. Overhearing someone saying that they were born the same day Shrek 2 came out. That one guy on the bus who was talking about how Mario was better than Call of Duty, and so passionately as well. That one cold day on the bus when I found out about the return of Ikkan. The enormous smile on my face that appeared when I saw that he uploaded an hour early. The 2d animation teacher showed us Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends and nostalgic TV bumpers with Moose A. Moose. The nausea I had that one day when I decided to bring coffee or tea to school. Would I go back to that same school this September? Hopefully not. It’s practically 5 in the morning. I need to sleep. Keep on Dreaming. 5-24-19 🌟 (17 days until E3? Holy crap.)

Y’know, I feel like I’m over-analyzing things. I dunno why I said that. But, anyways, the 4.0 songs are coming on CDs soon, which is great. It’ll be so nice to finally be able to listen to Seasick in high quality. Looks like I have to wait 2 months in order to listen to it once it’s available on YouTube. Yaaay. Anyways, I wasn’t able to write at all today and it sucked. Like, can’t you do Sunday things on a Sunday, not on a Saturday, which is supposed to be a relaxing day spent at home? Like, I feel like it completely threw off my writing groove. Anyways, I didn’t really bother watching today’s segment. I don’t even plan on watching the rest of the segments at all. Like, I only watched 25% percent of the entire thing? Damn. ANYWAYS, I just can’t wait until he starts uploading again. It’ll hopefully keep me from drowning in this weird negative funk. Oh, imagine if an entire episode of one of his Let’s Plays was really soothing out of the blue. Like, he’s more relaxed, he’s whispering instead of talking in his usual, excited voice. That would be like music to my ears, and like that weird ASMR video idea I had during that one live stream. But, to be honest, so would any of his Let’s Plays in general, in comparison to the colosseum. Like, there’s no stupid lamp, no donating to charity. Just sitting down and playing a video game. That’s it. (oh, shoot, I just remembered that there was a freaking Splatoon segment. Maybe I do wanna consider watching that. Damn.) It’s like comparing a movie with a crap ton of plot twists and a simple hero’s journey movie. The second movie has a lot less going on and is much more easy and pleasing to follow as a result. Anyways, two YouTubers literally delivered videos right when I was starting to think, “hey, I haven’t seen new content from them,” which is amazing. Hope other people do the same thing. (here’s an idea, self: lolita-sona, but alien.) Keep on dreaming. 5-25-19🌟 (y'know what idea is popping up in my mind recently? Moving to where he lives.)

Y’know, I was just reminded of this research project we had to do in 7th grade. Let me find mine. I found it, and it was incomplete, and about the city of Tokyo. However, the criteria was stupid specific, so I ended up not finishing it. But, if I weren’t so insecure, I’d probably do mine on Monty Python instead. Imagine how weirded out everyone would be. Like, everyone else is doing their reports on coherent topics and then there’s me. I wonder if the social studies teacher would even allow me to do that. Anyways, holy crap, 7th grade. Easily the best of all three Middle school grades. Sure, the first couple of days were pretty unlucky, but once it got to December... Holy crap. You might wanna sit back and buckle up for this one, ‘cause it’s a doozy. So. December 2016. It’s, well, wintertime, technically. You know what happens during wintertime? Snow. Like, that month, we got a motherlode of snow. Let me tell you about that one snow day. The snow day to end all snow days. Hokay, so. I walk inside the school, and it’s obviously really cold. But, once I started to walk around the halls, I noticed that it’s snowing!! Like, it’s piling right next to the floor-to-ceiling windows. Okay, so it continues to snow, and everything’s fine and dandy. Until the 4th period, when everyone is calling someone to pick them up. Then there’s me, who’s unable to call or text because no phone, or nonverbal. At this time, I’m thinking: “it’s gonna be fine, my mom is probably gonna pick me up as per usual.” Then, some time passes and, now it’s after regular school hours and me and a crap ton of other people are sitting in the gym, hoping that the correct bus comes. Mine ended up stuck in some hill, so I went to the front office, waiting for someone to pick me up, and I was insanely close to having some sort of panic/anxiety attack. Once my dad came to pick me up, the snow went up to my knee. Holy crap, right? Anyways, that’s just the beginning of 7th grade. Now, let’s talk about, freakin’... America’s Got Talent. I used to be into it, but I lost interest. Mostly because (what the hell was that sound) every contestant is a singer and has the same backstory. You sing because it helped you cope with your mother’s death, I know. However, there’s some outliers I find pretty interesting when I did watch it: (including, but not limited to:) A singer girl who was hard-of-hearing and had to go barefoot in order to sing along to the music. A comedian with a stutter. A singing group of black guys in which their story I actually cared for, and I actually cried during their performance. Go figure. There’s also your share of wacky elderly folk and annoying mainstream music that plays in between Every. Single. Performance. But I did just get reminded of a Japanese woman who sang I Want You Back by Jackson 5 at a different talent show I watched a year ago. I like her as well. Anyways, I’m pretty tired, and I can’t think of anything. Keep on dreaming. 5-26-19🌟(Just scavenged some past sketchbooks and diaries. Didn’t find much, other than some pokémon cards. But, I am tempted to read that... Well, I just did, and I didn’t even cringe once. Weird. Wonder what that means.)

So, before I start talking about today, I must mention a dream I had. I was at some sorta event, and he was there as well. Except that he was really sick. So sick that, near me, he was wrapped up in a blanket, asleep. Anyways, I woke up to see: An announcement that one of my favorite YouTubers is going to be uploading every Monday this summer instead of every other Monday. Which is legit, especially that he’s going to be talking about something that brings me life: The Splatoon Soundtrack!!! I’m so ecstatic!! Anyways, we went to the mall today, where I: A.) Saw a lady with a Monty Python and the Holy Grail shirt at Sephora. (At least I think it was, I saw it for only a split second.) B.) Got the third volume of the Splatoon manga, so I can now count to three. And C.) had my phone ring in the middle of Victoria’s Secret. My ringtone is the Soul 0 System rip, aka one of the highest quality rips in SiIvaGunner history. After that, we went to a restaurant, where I saw a cat!! So, for the next five minutes, I pet it’s head and repeated, “Baby! Little baby!” Ah, I wish I had a cat. I wish that he’ll announce his new let’s play some time this week as well. Keep on dreaming. 5-27-19 🌟 (still have the lumberjack song stuck in my head...)

Just finished watching a vlog, and my thoughts were: “Maybe I do want friends.” and “That sweet Aries prince...” Speaking of which, perhaps he’ll announce his new Let’s Play tomorrow. I’m ecstatic to hear his voice daily when he does announce it. Oh, right. You know the Unraveled live thing I mentioned? Well, imagine watching that and Thrown Controllers consecutively! On the same day! I’m not sure if my heart would handle that... Anyways, today is the 4th birthday of the best VGM soundtrack in the history of VGM soundtracks!!! Happy burf, Splatoon! (Hmmm, me actually having people who support me... what an interesting idea...)

Keep on dreaming. 5-28-19🌟

What I did literally the entire day was sleep. Like, nothing interesting to do, nothing interesting to watch. Just slept. It was my mom’s birthday, so I guess that’s interesting. Anyways, I was just reminded of how much of an outsider I felt in 9th grade, and I loathe to experience that again. Like, everyone was painfully different and similar to me at the same time. And, like, these were people who were already different to begin with! Like, you guys are weirdos like me, aren’t you supposed to communicate with me? Somehow, I was invisible as always. But, sometimes, being invisible was a really weird blessing. Like, it was the reason why I wasn’t bullied somehow. Like, I’m blatantly the person who would be. I sure hope it stays like that. Please let tomorrow be blatantly interesting. Keep on dreaming. 5-29-19 🌟 (why am I begging to be left alone and begging for an angelic group of friends at the same time?)

So. I was just hysterically laughing at a stupid glitch that occurred during a live stream of a stupid Barbie game that was a weird Mario Party rip-off. I need mental help. Speaking of the lady who was streaming it, I really wanna re-watch her and her husband’s America’s Next Top Model let’s play. Which is really weird considering I only re-watch let’s plays two years after I first watched them. 3rd and so on re-watches are a different story. It’s just so funny and I keep thinking of it. Anyways, he just appeared in two other videos in the same week. What’s going on? Why am I seeing him everywhere? Yeah, I had other things to say but, I forgot. Can tomorrow be a little bit more interesting? Keep on dreaming. 5-30-19🌟(Still watching the stream, and I gotta say... I kinda like talking about girly things like make-up...)

So, today was technically more interesting. I got a cool new Mega EX card and a Flying Pikachu card. And, uh... Tomorrow is the start of June. Nice. We’re already near the second half of 2019. Anyways, I started re-watching the Let’s Play I mentioned and I’m laughing as hard as I did the first time. And, I keep getting in the mood for Sonic’s whenever I watch it... Please let him upload tomorrow or the day after. Keep on dreaming. 5-31-19🌟